Starry Eye Surprise

I set foot on Caldecott Hill yesterday. A much-dreaded godforsaken place, an incubator for twinkling stars. Hmm...

Flagged down a cab. Once the cab driver heard that I was headed for Mediacorp, his instantaneous reaction was to take a second look at me and asked in mandarin:
“You are a star ah?”
Argh. I so expected this.
“Huh, er...., I’m from the crew.”
With this, the gleam in his eyes vanished.
How pragmatic.

There is this bridge I have to take up to main reception and this fat Malay lady who looked like a regular staff was about 10m away. Almost immediately after our eyes met, her eyes rolled like that of a ghost and plonked onto the ground! She left me dumbstruck with that antic and a thousand thoughts ran through my mind.

Heart Attack? Likely, she’s obese. Her arteries are probably clogged.
Palpitations? Did I say she’s fat?
Respiratory problems? The fats were probably squeezing in on her oesophagus.
So all in all, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM BEING FAT.
It’s repulsive and bad for your health.

Well, anyway, being the good Samaritan I’ve always been, I sped towards her in my heels and started shaking her body to check for consciousness. Ah, life-saving lessons put to good use now.

She opened her eyes briefly and muttered,
“Don’t push me...”
Ermm... What the hell, but oh goody, CPR isn’t necessary then!
As I was taught in my lessons to always ask if the casualty is ok, I said with all the concern I can summon.
“Are you okay?”
Oh gosh, and as if I wasn’t already freaked out enough, she went
“I’m dying........”
Well done, what are the odds of an obese person collapsing on the streets? Very high.

So being the good Samaritan I’ve always been again, I sped towards the main reception to seek help. In between breaths, I mustered,
“There’s a lady who has fainted outside!”
Obviously, in situations like such, you would expect immediate attention, but I was unexpectedly greeted with a blase attitude.
Nonchalantly, she said,
“ Oh, that one ah, she’s always like that....”
After some discussion with another receptionist, they decided to call the cops.
Wow. Making a mountain outta a molehill?
The truth unfolds. She’s a more than ardent fan of Jean Danker and has pulled a fast one too many. She feigns unconsciousness just to seek an audience with her idol. She’s probably a looney too. But I suppose that was entertaining.